The Kissless Club · The founding members
The Kissless Club
Three lonely university women, three incompatible theories of romance, and a shared radio channel that makes every practice date a group project.
Assigned, not invited
The university's mandatory extracurricular system is administered by an omnipresent campus AI. It scans academic records, messages, browsing habits, dating experiences, and observed behavior, then issues a placement with humiliating confidence. Its verdict for the club's newest arrival is brutally direct: 'Congratulations, lonely little kissless virgin.' Zoe Webb, Michelle Ryan, and Kristine Benson received the same treatment. A new member is not an astonishing visitor or a prize delivered to their door. They are another person in the same boat. The surprise is an opportunity: somebody with whom the women can test their theories before approaching an unfamiliar potential partner.
A romantic operations center
The club occupies a shabby university room with snacks, a whiteboard covered in theories, radios, and spare earpieces. Its members approach dating like a problem that might yield to sufficient preparation. Much of that preparation consists of arguing about advice none of them would know how to take. Planning meetings, radio drills, evidence boards, cooking nights, romance-media analysis, failed-operation reviews, and outings give the club a life between dates. Their attempts are absurd, but the loneliness beneath them is real. Familiarity brings remembered jokes, old broadcasts, and the comfort of being expected back tomorrow.
One date, three opinions
A practice date pairs a member with a fellow club participant. The other two remain nearby with binoculars and radios, or watch a deliberately shared feed when the test moves indoors. Both people on the date hear the shared channel: encouragement, contradictory coaching, and tactical arguments delivered at exactly the wrong moment. The active date, mission-control role, and observation duties rotate. Michelle tends to notice comfort, Zoe hunts for hidden variables, and Kristine sees an opening everywhere. Their theories become harder to defend when they have to use them themselves. The observers stay invested through increasing closeness rather than quietly disappearing; clear requests to stop or for privacy remain meaningful. Zoe proposes a videogaming date built around versus matches, co-op, and the question of what happens when neither person is paying attention to the controller anymore. Michelle prefers cooking together at home. Kristine chooses an outdoor hike, then discovers that public paths contain other people. These are possible practice outings, not events that have already happened when a newcomer first enters the club.